[Ep 1] Pucker Suckers - whateverithinkof - Harry Potter (2024)

“George, there’s no way I’m going to be the test subject for our next product, not after this,” Fred said, gesturing to himself.

For the past couple of hours, Fred had been avoiding everyone and anyone just to avoid the effects of their newest Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes product. He couldn’t even face his brother, in fear of kissing him.

Their newest invention, the Pucker Sucker hard candy, was supposed to make the consumer want to kiss and make out with the first person they see. Instead, Fred had been endlessly lusting after every person he saw.

Just earlier today, there was one incident that Fred knew Ron would bring up at every family dinner the Weasley family had for the rest of his life.

-Flashback-

Seeing as Fred couldn’t look at anyone until he and George found the person they had agreed Fred could try and kiss, they were having a hard time finding her. Fred could barely look up, and multiple times now he had almost looked someone in the eye.

Pretty quickly into their search, George made a confused sound beside him, stopping walking. Since George had been dragging and guiding Fred alongside him, Fred was pulled to an abrupt halt. “What? What is it?” Fred asked George, almost looking up to see what had stopped him.

George didn’t answer him for a second, and Fred was never said to be patient. “George, what is it?” Fred asked again, knowing that not just anything could make his twin stop in his tracks like this. Only something truly shocking could stop George.

“It’s… It’s… Horrifying,” George muttered under his breath. Fred was getting tired of not being able to look up, but before he could ask what George meant, he continued, “That is just… not right.”

George could not believe what he was seeing. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he would ever see Draco Malfoy in drag. Draco was dressed in a tight purple dress, his robes abandoned on the floor behind him as he strolled towards some Gryffindor students.

George explained this to Fred, who then had to look up, just to see it for himself. When he saw Draco, his jaw dropped. Draco had extravagant make-up on, consisting of deep maroon lipstick and shiny, glittering eye shadow.

Luckily, Draco was looking nowhere near Fred and George, so when Fred started to walk towards Draco, George was able to quickly hold him back. “Nope! We’re going this way,” George said, pushing his twin farther down the hallway.

Once Fred and George got a considerable distance away from Draco, Fred seemed to snap out of his stupor. “What was that?” Fred asked, “That was the effects of the candy. It must have triggered when you looked at Draco. I’m surprised it wore off that quickly,” George said, trailing off at the end.

He couldn’t get the image of Draco out of his head. ‘Why did he look… good? Draco Malfoy should not look that good in drag. He shouldn’t look that good- ever,’ George thought. Just when George thought the weirdness would end, Ron turned around the corner with Harry and Hermione in tow.

Hermione was holding a muffin, her arm outstretched away from her as far as possible, Ron had a basket of muffins on his head as he ate, one muffin in each hand, and Harry was looking at himself in the mirror, shifting it to get a better angle of himself.

Now while George had always thought Ron was a bit weird before, this was a whole new level of weird.

All of a sudden Ron stopped walking, causing Harry to run into him. Even so, Harry did not drop his mirror, never letting his reflection out of his sight. Ron pointed his muffin towards Draco and the group of students he was walking to.

George looked at the Gryffindors and realized the students Draco was walking towards were the Weird Sisters. ‘I guess that makes more sense,’ George thought, ‘He must be trying to look the part to… impress them?’ George inched closer to the groups; hoping to hear their conversation.

Fred had abandoned looking down, instead relying on George to hold him back, knowing that he was going to lust after every person he looked at. This was just too crazy to not watch.

Draco had walked up to the Weird Sisters, announcing his intentions to join their band and become their new drummer. Myron Wagtail stepped to the front of the group and looked Draco up and down, “Too tall.” The other band members nodded their heads in agreement.

“Wh- what? Too tall?” Draco asked incredulously, he looked around the corridor for a moment, thinking of what to say. “No, I’m not too tall, I am the perfect height!” Draco said, practically shouting.

Myron Wagtail looked back at his other band members, then turned back towards Draco, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Nope. We all agree; you’re too tall to be our new drummer.”

Draco pointed behind him, “If anyone’s too tall to be your drummer, it’s Weasel over there.” This directed the Weird Sisters' attention to Ron, or rather, who he was standing by. “You,” Myron said, pointing to the left of Ron. “You will be our new drummer.”

Hermione looked up from where she had been staring at the muffin in her hand. “What?” Myron walked over to Hermione, pushing past Draco, “You are the perfect height. You,” Myron pointed at Hermione’s chest, “Are our new drummer.”

Draco made a kind of squawk like a bird, but everyone ignored him. “Me? I have literally never touched an instrument in my life-” Hermione got cut off by Myron, “Doesn’t matter, you are our new drummer.”

Myron turned back to the rest of his bandmates, “She will be the best drummer we’ve ever had.”

Several of the professors chose that moment to come into the hallway to see what the commotion was about.

With that, George’s grip on Fred gave way just as he locked eyes with one of the professors; Professor Trelawney. He quickly walked up to her, not noticing the panicked look on George’s face.

Once he got within arm’s length of Trelawney, he leaped towards her, only being pulled back at the last second before he could smash his lips on hers. Before he could be disappointed with his failed attempt at kissing Professor Trelawney, George pulled him into a different hallway, out of range from the effects of the candy.

Fred looked around the empty hallway, mortification settling in. “Did I just try to kiss Professor Trelawney?” Fred asked George slowly, not believing that had just happened.

-End of flashback-

Fred shuddered, glad they had figured out the anecdote to the candy. “I don’t think the Pucker Suckers are ever going to see the light of day. Not if they work like that.” George nodded, thinking about just how weird things could get at Hogwarts if everyone ingested a Pucker Sucker. Now that would be crazy.